The Secret Blog

In the past many of my emotions are kept inside of me, I divert it in all forms. Through music, through dance, through gym practice, through animals, through boyfriends, through strangers and through blogging it out.

All thanks to School Bullies. (long story, maybe i'll write about it some other day)

I never let any girl into my life to share all my secrets ever since.  I'm not willing to open up fully (because each time I do I regretted), and I don't know how to hug a girl who is around my age and call her my best friend, I just can't.  

And that is why I started blogging..

Because I need something out of my chest, to keep me strong, to makes me feels like I am talking to somebody and someone care. Because I want to keep memories of what I want to remember. 

I love to blog, but I find it hard to express myself in words sometimes, words that truly meant what I want to mean, words that people won't misunderstand, its hard.

I kept a blog since I was in ITE (17).. But I deleted it several times because I hate it when people try to judge me by what I wrote and got so angry I just deleted the whole thing..

Then after sometimes, I feel that I need to start another blog again because I need a place to talk, a place to reflect.. Being someone quite 被动 and don't really trust, I need signs for my many decision making.

So since 2007 August, I kept a blog and it was kind of public at first because I let my friends know the link. But after that incident I decided its best not to let just anyone reads about me and my life.. 

I changed the url, no one knows the url.. except one person, one person who I am willing to call my best friend and is a "HE". (I really have a certain fear in girls which until now is still not really resolved.)

So I let him read about me, because I believe he is so not involve in my life that he can be of any threat to me or be able to betray me in any way.. I believe he will never leak any of my secrets out because he doesn't know my friends. 

And the biggest reason is because he is the only guy that stays with me unromantically, yes only as a friend and he is the only person who watched me grow and had never judged me but have given me so much support and help in my decision making (when I was struggling with what I want to do, he gave me directions and supported it.)

I still remembered how all my friends around me were going "Huh...? you sure about it..?" with my 1300/mth hotel job, making me feel kinda demoralized and somehow..shameful?

But he knows, he knows that this is what I want to do at that point of time and whether or not I will stick to it, I have to try it before I can decide. I'm really thankful for that, the working experience I have with GPCH have been part of who I become today.. believe it or not I met people whom inspired me over there, incredible people whom I invited to my Wedding even after we kind of lost contact for almost 2 years. They came, and celebrated, and it felt amazing knowing that my life have these wonderful people.

Not forgetting the satisfaction I gain from all these experiences.. I know what I want in life better and have a clearer vision of my future. I'm happy despite sometimes complaining about work when it gets uptight. 

I'm happy overall.

From 1300 to 2200 in 1 year 2 months, becoming someone who can speak confidently and knows how to appreciate the good things make me a content and happy person. I remembered having a desk of my own when I started in Huhtamaki was quite a big hoo-haa to me, when everyone else just take it for granted. 

I can only say many things that I went through, I'm thankful for those experiences because I love who I am now. 


My this best friend ever wondered why my blog no longer have tag board or commenting system then.. (i saw him wrote on his blog)

It is because you are the only one reading my dear..


And yes.. this best friend is my Husband, best friend for 7 years. The one who walk with me for 7 years, guided me when I was lost and celebrated with me when I succeeded.

- when all local polytechnic rejected me and finally got myself a place in RP. 

- when I'm kinda stuck with my school work. Went through my worksheet for Enterprise together via MSN 1 night before my exam.

- when my Dad objected my dream job and he suggested I did something similar, in Hotel. 

- the happy struggles in GPCH, with 12 hours shift. (We really enjoyed my day off then, cause it was so precious.)

- the horrible Fullerton. when I'm so scared to go to work and he can't bear to send me there. He brought me to somewhere else that day, I remembered that was a wonderful break from work. 

- the job search and interviews. (he went through interviews with me and practice with me sometimes)

and many more moments especially with my complicated family and the struggle I have in NUH before landing myself in a better and more suitable job in Huhtamaki.. 

If anyone ask me what is the best decision I've ever made, it will be me willing to let him into my life. The one who never judge me no matter how weird I become, the one who loves me for who I am.

So now I feel much better, I have a blog to share my views and happy moments which I am proud of with everybody, and a blog where I can really say whatever I want and do self-reflection without anyone judging me. (At the same time allow my husband to better understand me) :)


PS' Going to prepare and go Hubby's office for their Happy hour. Cheerios! ;)